Loy Krathong

 November 6th 1:18 pm 

Yesterday was Loy Krathong (maybe). Online it says the holiday is on the 15th. I think they celebrated it last night because of the full moon. 

I enjoyed it so much I almost cried. All of the khom loy were so beautiful. I saw a woman holding one of a dragon up to her forehead, praying intently as the incense covered her. All of them have candles and incense on them. I lit mine early and let it cover me. Ever since seeing the ritual of incense bathing in Japan I see value in it ritualistically. This was my chance to try it out. 

Khom loy 

    There were kids stationed in the river, ready to swim our khom loy into the current. They were so excited when they were the one chosen to do it. As I lit my candle I sang in my mind, “let go of the things you can’t control, feel the peace inside of your soul.” This is a song I wrote at a very scary time in my life, that calls to me through a time I consider another life. 

I tried to hand my khom loy to the boy as intentionally as I could. If I had it my way I would’ve gotten in and swam it out myself. He was just so excited to do it I couldn’t take that away from him. I also was very surprised to see people in that river and am not sure I’d survive its waters due to the years I have not spent building up a tolerance to it. 

My heart raced as I went through this whole process. It felt very meaningful. Control is something that I am constantly trying to release and at the same time grasp onto as tightly as I can. As I put the khom loy into that boy's hands, I was saying that I don’t need to be the one to do this. I can let others do what they want. I can decide how I react, I can live in this moment and not wish for another. 

As I rode to school the next day I let go of the back of the motorbike for the first time. I told myself, “you can’t always hang on.”