Nerves

 Saturday, October 18 2025 5:54 a.m. Taiwan Time 

I’m sitting outside of an American themed cafe in Taiwan. Taipei airport, where all the same goods can be found as anywhere else I’ve been, with the Asian addition of copious amounts of Sanrio items. I found one of Christian’s hairs on my laptop and have been singing “I Will Survive" to deal with the uncertainty. 

The first text I read when I landed was “Are you nervous?” I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard this in the past months. That, along with mentions of death, and even a good ol’, “Do you think this will break you or make you stronger?” Of course, people ask me if I’m excited, and that is normally followed up with one of the prior comments. 

At first I wasn’t bothered by these questions, I thought it made sense. Or at least, I thought they were just saying what we’re taught to say to someone in my situation. Now I wonder why these are the things we’re supposed to say.

People did tell me they were excited and/or nervous for me, so I wonder if the question is a projection of those feelings. I just think it’s quite obvious that I would be nervous and excited, so I don’t see why people feel the need to ask. Or to take it even further and bring up death, natural disasters, kidnappings. 

I’ve gotten some good advice and I am not upset about the things people have said to me. I am an easily tipped off person, if someone tells me some awful possibility it will live in my mind and eat away at me. That’s something I need to work out within myself. 

Still, I’m not sure if it’s helpful to anyone to get off of a plane and see, “Are you nervous?” Maybe it feels like I have to say yes. Which makes me want to say yes less.

         The honest truth is yes, I am always nervous. Every time I drive I’m nervous. Every time I go out I’m nervous. Hell, I’m nervous to respond to this text. At least now I get to be nervous somewhere else, living out a new experience, and hopefully gaining some independence from the same ol’ fears.

P.S. If you said any of these things to me I am not upset! I love you and really do appreciate your concern, and the fact that you thought of me.